she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
