yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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