This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
