dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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