i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
