Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
