Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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