you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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