i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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