okay pat passed out under dana's car
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
