You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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