DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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