Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Im part way to drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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