Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
