Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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