Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
