Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
