I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
