I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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