Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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