We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
two words...techno handjob
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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