Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
