I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
