k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
