I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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