I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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