I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize