so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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