Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
