i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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