I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
