i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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