Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
