Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
