Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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