what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize