fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
