did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
