We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
