I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
