call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
