Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Too much gin, very little bucket
smell my finger.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
