so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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