She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sarcasm needs its own font
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize