You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize