..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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