Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
