I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
