Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
