I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
time to smoke my breakfast
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
