if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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