hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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