I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
