took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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