They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
