Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
