Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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