I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
