haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
