i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
