Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
