All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
