he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
