Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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