Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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