My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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